Sunday, December 4, 2016

getting back...



I don't even know where to start.

Or where the beginning is, or where the end was.

It's been months, and so while I want to say hello, I'm feeling the need to just keep going. To honor the time not written here, but to move forward from where we're at. Meet myself, and you, here.

Meeting each other where we're at.

That's not something that's all that easy to do these days, I know.

Between the social and political climates, the holiday season whirring by, and life. Life seems busier these days. More complicated, these days. More everything.

And yet, I want less. Or, rather, I want a bit of calm in the storm.

Which I suppose is why I'm here.

In the early days of blogging, writing felt like a safe place. A place to come and look at life in a different way. A place where I could figure things out, alone and then together with readers. I walked through life with eyes that were a little more... careful to catch things. I was more observant in many ways.

Late in October I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo for the third time. Less than two weeks before November first, the starting date. I pulled together a hint of an idea for a story, and I ran with it. It was the most difficult NaNoWriMo I've participated in, and "won" by reaching the goal of writing 50 thousand words. Partly because of the story and how I went about writing it, partly because of things that happened completely out of my control, partly because I'm trying to figure out what role I want writing to play in my life.

Is it as a teacher?
A creative coach?
A writer of fiction?
A writer of non fiction?
A writer of essays, blog posts, or simply (importantly) morning pages and journaling?

These last few years writing has been a constant. But, I haven't stuck with any one project long enough for it to come to completion, fruition. I tend to stop as soon as I start getting ahead. Fear of failure, or maybe fear of success.

I have four novels that are half finished.

I can't even believe I just typed that. Four. Half finished. Novels.

There are a lot of things I realized last month. About my process, my fears, my strengths and weaknesses. But I also realized that it's getting harder and harder for me to drop into the writing mode. I used to be able to do it at the drop of a hat. Five minutes? I'll use that, no problem. Now? I'm distracted easier. I'm pulled in a million directions, easily.

It's easier to write a Facebook post, an Instagram caption, or a 40 character tweet than it is to write a blog post, an essay, a book. And it's easier to read the quick snippets as well. Time wise, attention wise.

I'm looking for practice in going slow. In writing longer. In listening. In attention. I'm looking for action instead of reaction. I'm looking for subtle nuanced conversation instead of yelling and aggressive debate tactics.

So I'm here. Looking for all of it. Hoping to create some of it. Longing for creating and making and work. And perhaps this is a way of doing just that. Getting back to listening, sharing, crafting rather than spewing.

Intention.

I'm looking for intentional thought and action and kindness.
Will you join me?


11 comments:

  1. I'm right here with you. It's a struggle, especially as a mom. I am finding it is SO HARD to write anything longform. It feels like the corners of my life in which I used to write are becoming tighter. I struggle with what kind of writer I want to be. I think it's a big FOMO - and not true. I am more than one thing. I might not be able to be all of them at once. Like Elizabeth Gilbert is a writer of fiction, non-fiction & memoir and she has been hugely successful in multiple genres. Just because you choose one doesn't mean you are forever rejecting all others 💜
    I'm so happy you are showing up here more often. I'll meet you here.

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  2. I share your struggle in blogging, but it's always good to see your posts. :-)

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  3. I look forward to reading more of your words - in any form you feel the desire to write them in. XO

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  4. Great post, Corinne and well written. Writing is therapeutic no matter what form it takes. You clearly have a gift with words, so I'm glad that however you put your words together, you have persevered. I also need to slow down. I told my husband yesterday that I want to stop and do nothing for a full day. Of course with 5 kids and other obligations this is completely impossible. Perhaps during the Holiday break?

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  5. my daughter did NANOWRIMO and stopped at 25,000 ish words because it was so very draining and nothing else was getting done. Also she was traveling to visit me and was losing a week in November so really she had only three weeks to write.

    I told her it's supposed to be fun and not a chore. I will say the same to you. And be proud of what you did write while being a mother to young ones!!

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  6. Ahhh...hello there! I think there is something in the air, maybe the stars? That is making the world all crazy. Maybe the need and action taken to simplify, to slow it down...is actually going to turn out to be one of the greatest forms of resistance.... glad you did so much writing... try to be good to yourself, finished product or no... the action holds its own meaning....

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  7. Yes, yes. Going slow. Funny that Injustbwrote about that too. And I am there with you on wanting that intention to be there and to be held for this writing thing.

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  8. Corinne, I am in the same place as you. Trying to slow everything down, to be more thoughtful in my decisions, to remember what is really important...I took the brave step of opening an Etsy shop and now need to banish the fear I experience regarding painting...I find I am good at avoiding going in to my studio. And yet to nuanced conversations instead of angry sound bites. xx

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  9. I feel the struggles these days as well. Nice to see you post. xx

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  10. I love your voice in your blog post. Since reaching 50,000 words I've only done 1,000 more, but I am glad to have made that good start, it'll come together with (loads of) time. I've also cleaned the house, gone xmas shopping, and gone back to my neglected poetry, which felt weird, but it may be my true love.

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  11. I hear you about the challenge of brief snippets and the ease of something shorter. In this day and age it's hard to go for the long haul. There's no immediate gratification, not even close. It can be lonesome tiring and thankless work. I struggle with this too. Love to read your words though, however long or short :)

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