Monday, February 17, 2014

and we begin...


For the last week or so I've met myself on the blue yoga mat. My intentions and my body join forces and create space for growth and peace and movement. It's been incredible. The reminder that my body is powerful. That my mind can be clear. That my breath is a force to be reckoned with.

And so we begin
Each day
With light
and power
and connection.

{I had to turn on the word verification on the comments... I know they're a pain... but man, the spam that was coming through! So I apologize... and thank you in advance  :) }

Wednesday, February 12, 2014



Right now I crave quiet like some crave chocolate. A deep, full ache rises and swells and then I'm yelling over the noise and searching for a bit of quiet. 

Of still. 

I'm thinking about the quiet ones. The ones who need to bend in order to fit into this loud world. 

But why do we need to bend? Why can't we create a place where it's okay to be quiet? Why is it that noise equals happy and quiet equals withdrawn? 

How many of us hear the phrase "It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for..." and cringe? 

I'm finding that the older I get, my need for quiet, and space to hear myself think, has gotten bigger. Perhaps it's not a coincidence that as my children have gotten older, it seems harder to find that space, that time. The time that was allotted for naps is now gone,  early bedtimes are giving way to later nights and earlier mornings. Homeschooling, while still a choice that is completely right for our family, can be noisy. Being at home with two growing children is not quiet work. But homeschooling, having the opportunity to morph our days into exactly what we need, has made me thankful for the time at home, or in nature, where we can be still and quiet together. But those times are rare, as most often the children find ways to voice their opinions, and stories, and songs in voices that are not indoor voices - which is natural and I am happy that they are finding their voices, period. But sometimes I wish they were a tad bit softer... 

I'm trying to instill in them that soft voices can still be heard. They are still worthy. They count and matter and can be trusted as much - if not more - than the shouts of our noisy world. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

windswept words written on wings

It floats across the sky like a promise
Windswept words written on wings
and airy clouds

I took Facebook off of my phone this week. And since I rarely turn my computer on during the day, I haven't been checking it much. {need to get a hold of me? Text. Or email. Or find me on Instagram. Just not Facebook!!} 

The noise was just too much. It had been building for a while. The constant pull to check. To see what I was missing. The thought that I would be out of the loop if I wasn't on Facebook a few times an hour. 

For real. 

Isn't that just silly? To think we won't be connected if we aren't on a device. If we are looking at our phones or computers instead of the faces of our children or spouses or friends. If we aren't able to hear ourselves think because we're instead being inundated by what everyone else thinks and does.

I found myself more connected this week. 

On top of that, I've been participating in liberated lines, which has made my other use of social media {instagram} more intentional. I shared in our group that when you are more intentional with your words and photos, it feels like you're offering something - creatively - instead of just shouting LOOK AT ME!!! Look at my awesome life!! 

I'm realizing, while working through Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map, that I want to feel creative. That is one of the core feelings that my soul desires. Feeling creative and that I'm being heard are the two things I keep coming back to while doing this emotionally draining - but good! - work. 

So by backing off of the places that make me crazy, and focusing on being intentional in a few others, I feel a lot of growth coming. A lot of creativity swelling. A lot of goodness. Quiet, intentional, whispered goodness at times. Stepping back is never a bad thing, especially if it means looking into eyes and seeing real live smiles and catching the subtle moments and movements of our lives...

Monday, February 3, 2014

one hurt and joy at a time

{Taken last month when we visited the Peabody Essex Museum, in Salem, MA}

It's a blustery, chance of snow, Monday. We stayed up too late last night watching the final episode of Sherlock on pbs. It's one of our all time favorite series. Even last night as I sat on the edge of my chair looking back and forth from the tv saying to Lucas "I don't like this show at all!!" out of anger as the characters do something that is just NOT what I wanted them to do... I still loved it. Three quarters of the way through I could sit back and say "yes, clever, I see that now, what an incredible story!" But in the middle, it was a bit gut wrenching. Like points of all of our stories. 

I also stayed up late reading about Philip Seymour Hoffman. Heather just wrote an incredibly thoughtful piece on the "choice" of it all. As always, her words bring a bit of clarity and peace. It just flat out stinks. Addiction. Drug use. The comedian and actor Jim Carey tweeted condolences along with this line: "For the most sensitive among us the noise can be too much." Isn't that the truth. 

I think that's it. It's the reminder that yes, the noise can be too much for many of us. We have to be careful. One misstep and it's all gone. So keep on fighting the good fight. Whatever that means for you. Right now I'm on the edge of my seat, screaming that I don't like this. I don't like any of this. The hurts and the loved ones left behind to mourn and the reality that this world can be too much for many of us. Reach out for help, people. If you need it. Please. 

In a little while I'll be back to saying: Yes, Universe, I see what you're doing even though I might not like it all time time. It might not seem fair, or even make sense. But what an incredible story of our world you weave together one moment at a time. One hurt and joy at a time. 


{There's a new little icon over on the side ---------> 
The butterfly, BraveGirl Community. Stacey recently asked if I'd join as a contributor to their community, and I am proud to have said yes. It's a site for folks recovering from all sorts of issues, not just alcohol or other substance abuse. Most here know that I'm more spiritual than religious, so I thought long and hard before accepting as there is a religious undertone. But I think that there's beauty in coming together, telling your truths in any way possible in a safe place. Learning from each other and gaining new insights and perspective. So check it out - my 4 years of sobriety post will be up today, but as you've all read that by now please look through some of the other posts. It's a safe, welcoming space, and I'm happy and proud to be included there.}