On getting stuck in your own head...


Today was a heavy day. School was fine, the kids were fine, I was just feeling heavy. My head. Sometimes I get all foggy and muddled and I can't get out of my own way. I fight with myself. I doubt myself. I get a little {a lot} grumpy. It happens. We all have days like this. 

My girl asked all day if we could go to the beach. All day. And I resisted. Until 3:30 and I had no excuse not to and so we went. It was hot and sunny at home. Hot. Sunny. And then we got down to the beach and it was so foggy I could barely see three cars ahead of me driving in. The fog was thick on the beach... but it was the most relaxing beach trip we've had all summer because the kids stayed close and not in the water and I just sat. With my thoughts. And kind of gave them to the wind and let them be taken out to sea. 

I realized this afternoon that much of what has been distressing me is that I'm very much aware of how different our family seems to be from many around us. From the status quo. How counter culture we tend to be. From homeschooling to how we feed our family to being underscheduled to just...being us. 

I like to think that everyone is different, that we are all doing what is best for our own families. And I think ultimately the only critic of what I am doing is me. I see what other families are doing and sometimes I just get tired of being different. Our way is right for us {and many others...I don't think we're that different...} and I by no means mean to preach to anyone about anything. Honestly. Mostly, what it comes down to, is I'm tired of certain things being hard because they are not the norm. Like finding real food that we can afford. Like keeping the food dyes and processed stuff to a minimum {if you want a crazy story about red #40, I've got a few... we try to keep the stuff to an absolute minimum because we know it changes the kids behaviors, but we realized it was in the kids toothpaste, found a dye free one, and my daughters sleep patterns have changed dramatically for the better. For real. This stuff is no joke!} Like not wishing our kids away at the beginning of the school year {except for a few moments here and there, let's be honest...}Like homeschooling. Like doing things because they feel like the natural thing to do, not because someone says we should.

Whew. I totally needed to get that off my chest. 

We're not being different just to be different. We're doing things differently because we can't unlearn what we know to be true and right for us. The intention is not to be different. The intention is to live the best way we know how for us. 

Maybe by waving our little freak flag, maybe others will too. And then those of us who don't try to keep up with the Jones's won't feel nearly as alone at times. 

So all of that, I threw out to sea. And for now I'll just keep on keepin' on. Do your thing, the rest will come naturally. So long as you don't get stuck in your own head for too long... 

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