Wednesday, August 28, 2013

On getting stuck in your own head...

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Today was a heavy day. School was fine, the kids were fine, I was just feeling heavy. My head. Sometimes I get all foggy and muddled and I can't get out of my own way. I fight with myself. I doubt myself. I get a little {a lot} grumpy. It happens. We all have days like this. 

My girl asked all day if we could go to the beach. All day. And I resisted. Until 3:30 and I had no excuse not to and so we went. It was hot and sunny at home. Hot. Sunny. And then we got down to the beach and it was so foggy I could barely see three cars ahead of me driving in. The fog was thick on the beach... but it was the most relaxing beach trip we've had all summer because the kids stayed close and not in the water and I just sat. With my thoughts. And kind of gave them to the wind and let them be taken out to sea. 

I realized this afternoon that much of what has been distressing me is that I'm very much aware of how different our family seems to be from many around us. From the status quo. How counter culture we tend to be. From homeschooling to how we feed our family to being underscheduled to just...being us. 

I like to think that everyone is different, that we are all doing what is best for our own families. And I think ultimately the only critic of what I am doing is me. I see what other families are doing and sometimes I just get tired of being different. Our way is right for us {and many others...I don't think we're that different...} and I by no means mean to preach to anyone about anything. Honestly. Mostly, what it comes down to, is I'm tired of certain things being hard because they are not the norm. Like finding real food that we can afford. Like keeping the food dyes and processed stuff to a minimum {if you want a crazy story about red #40, I've got a few... we try to keep the stuff to an absolute minimum because we know it changes the kids behaviors, but we realized it was in the kids toothpaste, found a dye free one, and my daughters sleep patterns have changed dramatically for the better. For real. This stuff is no joke!} Like not wishing our kids away at the beginning of the school year {except for a few moments here and there, let's be honest...}Like homeschooling. Like doing things because they feel like the natural thing to do, not because someone says we should.

Whew. I totally needed to get that off my chest. 

We're not being different just to be different. We're doing things differently because we can't unlearn what we know to be true and right for us. The intention is not to be different. The intention is to live the best way we know how for us. 

Maybe by waving our little freak flag, maybe others will too. And then those of us who don't try to keep up with the Jones's won't feel nearly as alone at times. 

So all of that, I threw out to sea. And for now I'll just keep on keepin' on. Do your thing, the rest will come naturally. So long as you don't get stuck in your own head for too long... 


7 comments:

  1. I think trusting our instincts is all we can do as parents. I want to hear more about Red #40 ... jeez.

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  2. i think we'd be good company for y'all :)

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  3. There was a fog in my head yesterday, all day. And the day before that too. I wanted to blame my husband for every single thing. Like the grass in the back yard that we can't even walk in because it's rained for a month. I blamed him for gasoline smell in the car because in avoiding an accident, he slammed on the brakes and spilled the gas he bought to mow the lawn...I blame him for the absolute know-it-all precociousness of our homeschooled son who frequently embarrasses me by challenging veterinarians and zoo keepers with his knowledge. I blame my husband because he has a terrible habit of refuting every single statement for the sake of having an "intellectual" discussion. We are the freakiest freaks in our neighborhood, guaranteed!!!! I wish the wind of the ocean would blow me away on a hang glider and take my fog away too.

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  4. I homeschooled for over ten years. my sons ended up getting straight A's when they did venture into 'school.' the experience was New since they hadn't had to be in the routine for so long. There is always grace in the moment of creating our lives. xoxo

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  5. There is no possibility to do homeschooling in Germany, just state or private schools... So I cannot write about that. But being different, that is definitely something I could talk about a lot! You have said it: it is just important that your way of living is good and healthy for you and your family. That you enjoy it. That it keeps you going on. That it feels natural and satisfying. Blow the fog away! Everyone who knows you will recognize a kind of harmony and balance in your family if you are living your perfect suited way. Everyone is different. Difference is fine. Difference makes us creative, I believe :-).

    xo Kati

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  6. We have to go two towns over just to meet other homeschoolers. We are weird. That's not exactly our only offbeat family choice, so we're really weirder than weird. Oh. my. I know the danger of one's own brain on this one. I've been stewing too much in my own lately as well.

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  7. I get this. I try really hard to eat good food and grow what I can. I shop at a co-op and natural food grocery store often. Just the other day a mom said she was running to Cub (mainstream grocery store if you don't have them) and I said I was running to Fresh and Natural and she looked at me funny. I only meant that we were both doing our grocery shopping after our meeting. I don't complain about having my kids around because I actually do have a lot of fun with them and we do fun things together. (There are always times though.) ;-) And I don't talk about having a drink to relax like they do nor do I get invited to get togethers. Sometimes I feel like I have such a different outlook on life but maybe not. So I get the feeling different thing but like you said, this works for us and it's the way we want to live. Lovely post, Corinne. You have such a way with words. Let's fly our freak flags proudly! :-)

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